The Seven Discoveries That Changed How I Saw Myself

How understanding the hidden layers beneath anxiety transformed the way I saw God, myself, and others.

Hello, friend.

I grew up in a home that was filled with many good things. We laughed together, celebrated together, and from the outside, we looked like an ordinary family.

But beneath the surface, I was carrying wounds that very few people knew about. Those hidden layers beneath my anxiety quietly shaped the way I saw myself, God, and the world around me.

For many years, I became very good at looking like I had everything together.

• I smiled.
• I worked hard.
• I cared for other people.
• I carried responsibility well.

But inside, it often felt like I was running down the street screaming, waving my hands, and no one was paying attention. 

I knew I was SUPPOSED to have it all together, so I acted like I did.  But underneath my competence, there was a whole other world that I didn’t yet understand, and this simple metaphor began to give me language for what I had been living.

I had no idea that other people were walking around like me – outwardly competent and inwardly lost.

---

Discovering the Hidden Layers Beneath Anxiety

Then one day, during a training session, someone walked to the whiteboard and drew an iceberg.

I remember thinking,

Oh… we’re learning another communication tool.

Instead, it felt like someone had handed me a map to my life.

The trainer explained that the iceberg was a metaphor for life.

Above the waterline was behaviour—the words we spoke, the actions people could see.

Beneath the waterline were all the hidden layers that shaped those behaviours.

My thoughts.
My emotions.
My beliefs.
My expectations.
My longings.

Suddenly I wasn’t just looking at a picture.

I was looking at myself.

WHAT????

This metaphor captured something I had felt for years but had never been able to explain.

For the first time, I began to understand there were reasons behind my behaviour.

Capturing my thoughts mattered—but it was only one part of the story.

What people could see on the outside was only a tiny piece of what was happening inside me.

---

The first discovery: There was room for my feelings.

What fascinated me most about this “communication tool” was that it made room for feelings.

Actually, it made room for them twice.

There was one layer for feelings…

and another for feelings about feelings.

I remember staring at that iceberg thinking, “Wait, there’s an entire layer for feelings… and another one for feelings about feelings”

As someone who has always felt life deeply, I couldn’t stop thinking about that.

A whole section devoted to emotions? I’d never seen anything like that before.

For the first time, I wondered if my feelings weren’t something to push aside.  Maybe, if this trainer gave them 2 layers, they were something to pay attention to.

God created us with emotions, yet most of the people around me valued reason above everything else.

If something could be explained logically, that was enough.

Feelings often felt inconvenient… something to move past as quickly as possible.

But maybe…

just maybe…

my emotions weren’t getting in the way.

Maybe they were trying to tell me something.

If this simple metaphor gave them TWO entire layers, the obviously, God wanted me to give them room in my life. Perhaps, they were trying to TELL me something important??

---

Why so Many Women Lose Touch With Their Emotions

Years later, when I began walking alongside other women, I found myself returning to this part of the iceberg over and over again.

• I would watch a woman tell me what she thought.
• Then she’d explain why she reacted the way she did.
• She’d tell me what everyone else was thinking.

But when I asked, “What are you feeling?” there was often a long silence.

• She had NO IDEA what she was feeling.
  • I knew that silence.
  • I’d lived there too.
• And when I said, “The iceberg gives feelings TWO ENTIRE layers”, we got to work uncovering what those 2 layers were revealing about her story…

Somewhere along the way, many of us learned that our feelings weren’t very important. We learned to explain them away, push them down, or stay busy enough that we never had to notice them.

But God created us with emotions.

They were never something to fear or judge. When my clients and I learned that emotions were a gift from a loving Creator, we began to look at them differently.  We became curious.  Instead of pushing our emotions away, we began to see them as invitations into a deeper understanding of ourselves, our Creator, and the beautiful plans He had for our lives.

“What is this feeling trying to tell me? What might God be inviting me to see?”

We took a page out of the Psalms where David brings ALL of his emotions to God, and we began to do that, too.  Without judgment, we told our Father about our feelings and asked Him to show us what they were meant to reveal.

We made amazing discoveries together. Instead of feeling judged or dismissed, they felt seen, understood, and deeply loved. That changed everything.

That was a completely different way of living.

---

The Second Discovery: I Was Carrying Expectations I Didn’t Even Know Existed

Another layer that completely surprised me was expectations.

I had never stopped to consider that I carried expectations of myself, other people, and even the world around me.

Looking back, my expectations of myself were incredibly high.

I believed I needed to be:

• Kind.
• Loyal.
• Compassionate.
• Responsible.
• And somehow… carry everyone else’s burdens.

But what surprised me even more were my expectations of other people.

• I genuinely expected people to dismiss me.
• I expected my opinions to matter less.
• I expected my needs to come second.
• I expected to adapt while everyone else carried on.

It wasn’t that everyone in my life was unkind.

It was that I had grown up in an environment where I wasn’t respected.

Somewhere along the way, I stopped expecting respect.

So, whenever someone listened to my opinion, valued my perspective, or simply treated me with kindness…

I was genuinely surprised.

Respect felt unfamiliar.

I didn’t know that these expectations had become my “normal”.

I thought they were reality.

Then another realization hit me.

If I expected to be dismissed, I often stayed quiet.

If I expected to be overlooked, I didn’t always ask for what I needed.

I was the queen of the “workaround”.

If a door closed, I didn’t usually challenge the decision. I simply found another door.

My expectations weren’t just describing my world.

They were shaping it.

That realization was incredibly humbling…

and if I’m honest…

it also made me mad.

---

Five More Discoveries That Changed Everything

Those were only two of the discoveries waiting for me beneath the surface.

There were discoveries about how we cope when life feels overwhelming.

About the beliefs quietly shaping how we see ourselves, God, and the people around us.

About the deep yearnings every human heart carries.

And ultimately…

about the woman God created me to be.

Each layer uncovered another piece of my story.

Each discovery replaced judgment with compassion.

Each one invited me to stop surviving and begin living with greater freedom, deeper peace, and a growing confidence in God’s love.

Looking back now, I realize the iceberg was never just a communication tool.

It became a map.

• A map that helped me understand why anxiety had shaped so much of my life.
• A map that showed me where healing could begin.
• And a map that still guides me today as I walk alongside women who are longing to understand their own stories.

Because I’ve discovered something beautiful.

When we begin to understand what has been happening beneath the surface…

we stop asking,

“What’s wrong with me?”

and we begin asking,

“What has my heart been trying to tell me all along?”

That’s where compassion begins.

And that’s often where God begins writing a new chapter.

---

What These Hidden Layers Beneath Anxiety Can Teach You

If you’ve ever wondered why anxiety seems to affect every part of your life…

If you’ve ever found yourself thinking, “Why do I keep reacting this way?” or “Why does this feel so much harder than I want it to?”

If you’ve ever sensed there’s more happening beneath the surface than you know how to explain…

I want you to know that I asked those same questions.

When I first saw that simple picture drawn on a whiteboard, I had no idea it would become one of the greatest gifts God would use in my healing. It helped me make sense of my story, understand why anxiety had shaped so much of my life, and reconnect with the woman He had created me to be.

That’s why I’m so excited to share it with you.

In my upcoming workshop, The Seven Discoveries That Changed How I Saw Myself, I’ll walk you through each layer of the iceberg and share the discoveries that transformed the way I saw God, myself, and others.

My prayer is that you’ll begin to see your own story with fresh eyes.

That you’ll exchange judgment for compassion.

Confusion for understanding.

Hope will begin to grow where anxiety has held you back.

And that, little by little, you’ll reconnect with the woman God created you to be.

I’d love for you to join me.

May the God of Rest Fill You with His Presence,

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Continue the Conversation

💙 Join My Free Facebook Community

---

Ready for Your Next Step?

If today’s blog resonated with you, perhaps God is inviting you into something new.

✨ Begin with The Path to Restoration