What My Body Was Trying to Tell Me All Along

When people ask where my healing journey began, they usually expect me to talk about anxiety.

The truth is…

This last layer of healing began with a decision.

Just one quiet decision that changed the direction of my life.

I asked for help.

That may sound strange coming from someone who spent her life helping others.

But caring for everyone else and caring for yourself are two very different things.

For years, I poured myself into my work.

• I loved being a counsellor.
• I loved supervising staff.
• I loved leading teams.
• I loved helping people discover hope.

If you had asked me then how I was doing, I would have said, “Busy,” and enjoyed every moment of it.

• Because busy was normal.
• Tired was normal.
• Tight shoulders were normal.
• Headaches were normal.
• Feeling responsible for everyone else was normal.

I honestly didn’t know there was another way to live.

My First Experience of Physical Safety

I learned very early on that relationships were important – helping people feel comfortable and cared for important work and helped others feel loved.

I remember…

• Winter afternoons.
• Cold feet.
• My mom opening the oven door so we could warm ourselves after coming home from school.
• Fresh baking.
• A mug of hot chocolate warming my hands.

I felt safe with my mom.

• Loved.
• Included.
• Valued

Those moments were real, and I treasured them.

Looking back now, I see that love and comfort could be found in food, family, and helpfulness.

Those warm afternoons became one of the places where my nervous system experienced safety.

But my childhood wasn’t filled only with warm kitchens and laughter.

• There was fear too.
• There were experiences no child should ever have to carry.

So, my young heart began searching for ways to survive.

• Food became one place of comfort.
• Keeping the peace became another.
• Working hard.
• Staying quiet.
• Smiling.
• Becoming whoever I needed to be so life felt a little safer.

And over time, I learned to adapt – my body, thoughts, and emotions – in order to stay safe.

The Day Everything Changed – And My Body Began to Heal

During COVID, I found myself carrying more than I ever thought possible.

I was managing a demanding job that I truly loved. My days were filled with supporting staff, making difficult decisions, and helping people navigate one of the hardest seasons many of us had ever experienced.

I poured everything I had into caring for other people.

And by the end of the day, there was very little left for me.

This was problematic because a few years earlier, I had been diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes.

• I knew how important it was to exercise.
• I knew I needed to eat well.
• I knew I needed to rest.

But knowing something and having the capacity to live it are two very different things.

Managing work during COVID took everything I had.

There never seemed to be enough time.

• Enough energy.
• Enough margin.

And, inevitably, my blood sugar numbers began to climb.

Knowing I needed to make some significant changes, I did something I had never done before – I asked my doctor for medical leave to get my numbers under control.

He agreed and that decision changed my life.

While I thought I was asking for time to care for my physical health, it actually became time to begin healing my anxiety by deepening my relationship with God.

I didn’t realize it then, but that was the first courageous decision of my healing journey.

Walking was simply the first way I lived out that decision.

Healing My Body One Step at a Time

Faced with more time than I knew what to do with, I decided that it would be wise to walk.

After all, everyone knows that moving is healthy and it would definitely help my diabetes.

• I wasn’t trying to heal anxiety.
• I wasn’t trying to process my childhood.
• I wasn’t trying to become a different person.

I was simply trying to care for my body so that I could go back to work and be productive without worrying about my health.

And as I walked, something more profound began to happen.

As I walked in the autumn sunshine, I found myself admiring God’s creation.  So, I told Him that I was enjoying the colours, the wind, the feeling of my body moving.

And then I began to tell Him about other things – about how tired I was, about the pandemic and all the worries that went along with that.

And I found myself comforted – to be able to tell the God of the universe about my problems – as though He was not aware 😊

Those walks became something I looked forward to – time with God, time tom ove my body, time to take in the beauty of nature.  Ahhh, bliss.

My Body Had Been Speaking for Years

Those walks gave me something I hadn’t had in a very long time.

• Space.
• Space to notice.
• Space to think.
• Space to talk with God.

And slowly, I began noticing something else.

My body was tight.

Really tight.

• My shoulders were always tense.
• My jaw clenched without me realizing it.
• I held my breath whenever life felt overwhelming.
• Even while driving, my hands gripped the steering wheel far harder than they needed to.

I found myself asking a question that had never occurred to me before.

Why is my body holding so much?

As I prayed, reflected, and paid closer attention, I began to understand.

My body had faithfully carried…

• Years of responsibility.
• Years of trying to stay safe.
• Years of emotions I had never learned how to feel.
• Years of thoughts I had pushed aside.
• Years of caring for everyone else while leaving myself behind.

So, I became curious.

What did my body need?

How could I care for it instead of expecting it to simply keep carrying more?

That question became the beginning of a whole new chapter in my healing.

---

Perhaps Your Story of Anxiety and Your Body Is Different

Maybe emotional eating has never been part of your story.

Maybe diabetes isn’t either.

But I wonder if your body has been trying to get your attention.

• Perhaps your shoulders never seem to relax.
• Perhaps you’re exhausted, even after a full night’s sleep.
• Perhaps headaches keep returning.
• Perhaps your jaw aches.
• Perhaps your stomach feels tied in knots.
• Or perhaps you’ve become so used to carrying everyone else’s needs that you’ve stopped noticing the weight you’re carrying yourself.

If that’s you, I want you to hear something that took me years to understand.

Your body isn’t your enemy.

It may simply be telling the story your heart has never had words to tell.

And maybe today is the day you begin listening.

---

Your First Step Could Begin Today

My healing didn’t happen all at once.

Transformation has been a journey.

But hope arrived much sooner than I expected.

It began the moment I decided I was worth caring for.

Walking became the first way I lived out that decision.

Your first step may look different.

Perhaps it begins by learning how anxiety has been affecting your body all along.

That’s why I created Rhythm to Renewal.

Inside, I’ll walk beside you as you discover ten simple, practical ways to help your body release tension, breathe more deeply, move with intention, and experience greater calm.

These are simple, faith-filled practices you can begin today.

As you care for your body, you’ll begin to experience something beautiful.

• A little more peace.
• A little more awareness.
• A little more rest.
• A little more hope.

Those first changes may seem small, but they become the foundation for the deeper restoration God desires for every part of your life.

You don’t have to wait until every part of your life feels different before you experience hope.

Transformation is a journey.

But hope begins today.

And sometimes, the most courageous thing we can do is take the very first step.

If you’re ready to begin caring for your body with compassion and intention, click here to learn more about Rhythm to Renewal.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Continue the Conversation

💙 Join My Free Facebook Community

---

Ready for Your Next Step?

If today’s blog resonated with you, perhaps God is inviting you into something new.

✨ Begin with The Path to Restoration